


I Dreamed of You

by lumoswrites



Category: Ghosts (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Trauma, First Kiss, Fluff, Heavy Angst, Homophobic Language, Internalised Homophobia, M/M, Missing Scene, Mutual Pining, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:13:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28672788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lumoswrites/pseuds/lumoswrites
Summary: "The Captain knew what he had to do. He would be a coward no longer."
Relationships: The Captain/Lieutenant Havers (Ghosts TV 2019)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 51





	I Dreamed of You

_The only thing we have to fear is fear itself._

But that wasn’t quite true. Not for him. 

The Captain had faced raging shell fire, lost men he’d learned to love as brothers, emerging from broken sleep at dawn to find his troupe cut in half. He’d stood in the face of death as it flexed its jaw and bared its teeth. 

But he couldn’t tell Havers he loved him. 

He wasn’t even sure he did love him. _Could_ love him. Not in the way he understood love, as though it were some distant, mythical, thing, the profound union between man, and woman. 

Havers was not a woman. But when he looked into his heavy set brown eyes, _kind_ eyes, he’d thought, when they first met, five years ago, eyes that settled his rapid heartbeat, reflected something intangible back to him, some rare thing pooling around the black of the iris only they understood, he felt he was home, despite being miles from it. 

_If that wasn’t love, what was?_

He caressed the pale manilla of the envelope, tracing the indentation of the ink like a prayer. _William._ He’d only called him that once, late one evening, as the pale December sun began its demise into the frost-laden ground. They were discussing strategy in his office, Havers’ skin flushed pink beneath the light of the oil lamp, uniform jackets slung to the side, as though they’d de-costumed. He’d been mapping out their next assault when Havers had leaned forward in his chair, back arched, thigh resting against his, hair brushing his cheek, and he forgot how to speak. 

_William_. 

He swallowed, digging his fingernails into the calloused skin of his palms to suppress the tears that threatened to spill from behind his eyes. They fell anyway. He was, he realised, the thing that he feared the most; not a failure, not a pariah, not a _queer,_ spoken in his mind by his father, his voice sharp like cut steel. He was a coward.

He swallowed, breathing in twice, before setting his jaw. He allowed himself one more touch, tracing the name with the pad of his fingers, before slipping the letter into his uniform and standing rigid, ready for battle. He knew what he had to do. 

He had just turned on his heel, brushing tears that had begun to bloom behind his eyes, when the door opened. He startled, like a trapped animal, neck flushing hot, as though he was caught doing something utterly indecent. 

“Captain…”

A soft, timid, voice, emanated from the opened door, and his breathing relaxed as it always did when he heard it. 

Havers entered the room slowly, as though the Captain might run away. There was snow in his hair, like moondust. He must’ve been on guard duty. 

“Havers…” Came the Captain’s tremulous reply. He stilled, eyes moored on his, like ships seeking refuge in the night. Havers paused two feet before him, eyes unreadable. He was standing too stiffly, the Captain thought, as though on the front line of the battlefield, the pulse in his neck jumping beneath his skin. 

He swallowed, fists clenched at his sides. Before the Captain could steady himself on his feet, Havers threw him one final, unreadable, look, before he closed the space between them, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. The Captain froze, eyes widening in shock, body unyielding to the touch. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears, like the roar of the sea.

Havers pulled back momentarily, cheeks red. His brown eyes darkened imperceptibly with fear as he took in the Captain’s shocked expression, taut posture. 

“Sir, I…” he stumbled, breathless, wounded eyes darting about the room. The Captain stilled, wanting to reassure him, take him in his arms, but unable to speak. Sick with himself, for letting Havers suffer, or wanting desperately to have him kiss him again, he was not sure.

“I’m sorry,” Havers trailed off, and he turned on his heel as silently as he had entered, storming across the room. 

The Captain stilled, heartbeat in his throat. He heard his father’s voice again, louder this time, echoing around the bone arena of his skull. Accompanying it was an image of Havers’ eyes, full of promise, and fear, and _bravery_ , he thought to himself, as he’d crossed the room to him, like he’d finally found an answer to a question he’d been searching for. 

The Captain knew what he had to do. He would be a coward no longer. 

“William!” before he could talk himself out of it, The Captain crossed the room, curling his fingers around Havers’ wrist. They trembled as he pulled him back to him, pulled him close, as he’d dreamed of doing, turned him so their faces were inches apart. 

Gently, he took William’s cheek in his hand, eyes flitting to his lips before kissing him deeply, the way he should’ve. William stiffened for a moment before sighing against his mouth, hands on the Captain’s neck, chest flushed against his. As he tilted his chin forward, deepening the kiss, hands twined in the Captain’s silver hair, his mind was still for the first time in his life.

**Author's Note:**

> I rewatched Cap's episode and had a lot of Feels so this is the result of that lol - Thank you for reading and apologies for the angst <3


End file.
